Showing posts with label funny stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny stuff. Show all posts

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Keynesianism Diagnosed

Researchers funded by the National Institutes of Health have found evidence that a retrovirus that has been linked to schizophrenia and multiple sclerosis may also cause Keynesianism. The discovery raises hopes that a cure may be found for this economy-destroying disease.

“The breakthrough was realizing that schizophrenia and Keynesianism have many of the same symptoms,” said Dr. Charles Rivers of the Harvard School of Medicine. “For example, both conditions cause delusions. A schizophrenic may think that the CIA is trying to kill him, while many Keynesians believe that government spending stimulates the economy.”

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Saturday, May 1, 2010

"You Want the Truth?"

“You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth. Son, we live in a country with an investment gap. And that gap needs to be filled by men with money. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Middle Class Consumer? Goldman Sachs has a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Lehman and you curse derivatives. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know: that Lehman’s death, while tragic, probably saved the financial system. And that Goldman’s existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves pension funds. You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want us to fill that investment gap. You need us to fill that gap.

“We use words like credit default swaps, collateralized debt obligation, and securitization… We use these words as the backbone of a life spent investing in something. You use ‘em as a punchline. We have neither the time nor the inclination to explain ourselves to a commoner who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very credit we provide, and then questions the manner in which we provide it! We’d rather you just said thank you and paid your taxes on time. Otherwise, we suggest you get an account and start trading. Either way, we don’t give a $#@& what you think you’re entitled to!”

source